I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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