we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
