then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
