im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
