You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
