He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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