ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
