I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
