I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
