So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
