Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
