I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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