totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
