the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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