can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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