just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
