I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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