Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
