If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
