You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
