I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
