Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
false alarm, still single
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