i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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