erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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