Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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