Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
