I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
