Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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