Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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