yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
