I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
