It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
