Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
