a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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