I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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