...so i touched it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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