god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
