Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
