I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
