Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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