saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
