do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
there is glitter all over my balls
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
