Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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