Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
