where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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