I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
