dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
