So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
