Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
