I wannas sexs uuuuu
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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