I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
50% drunk capacity currently
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
